First off, Happy Birthday Ada! (= Hope you had a present filled day in school today, although your present will probably come to you several months later or something. SIGH.. I am not exactly in a good mood or bad mood I guess. The past two days were just horrible. I mean yesterday and today. It is not as though these two days had the most homework, in fact it was much better than the weekend, but somehow I can feel the pressure building up on me, someday going to eat me up or something. And it doesn't help that some stupid idiot insists that I leaked his secret out lah. Since you don't trust me you can jolly well stop talking to me and we can just be pure friends who do not tell each other anything besides playing bridge at the same table and perhaps saying hi and bye or something. You just wanna piss me off further or something, right? OK, maybe I added that bit myself, but I am not exactly very happy with you either. It's just that I keep quiet whenever I don't like something you do. So can't you do the same? Anyway, to blog about happier things, I have finished most of my homework that's due this week. After all, the script is only due several weeks later, and that's still quite a relief. Thank goodness Mr Wong said my idea was OK, and my story outline was the best (= but then again, I think my idea sounds like it was stolen from erm, power puff girls, but hey i didn't even think of that until Yi Rui said so lah.. On a negative mood, I feel that there are more things pulling me down rather than things making me feel happy. Like, today, I was forced to stay in the computer lab alone doing the damned language arts project. Honestly, I am pissed off with Sarah. She could have stayed to help, but she only offered a feeble bye and went off home HAPPILY. i was like totally in a slapping her mood, but of course, knowing that she won't read this and hopefully you will not tell her this, I controlled myself and didn't do anything but quietly waved back and silently scolded her in my mind. But anyway, Le Qiao is nowhere better, playing bridge. Bridge is getting so irritating. I doubt I will play it again for the next few weeks. Do they just play bridge to feel the surge of excitement as their number of piles increases rapidly, or do they simply find joy in seeing people's agonized face? Remember, I did not like bridge in the first place, although I finally learned how to play it. However, I prefer Tai ti lah. Its at least more erm, sensible? Some how... I was talking to my rabbit just now, and my sister thought I was talking to myself. Or perhaps I was hallucinating and my rabbit was not really there, so I was talking to the air? I dunno...but under the amount of stress I have in my mind now, it is highly likely. Ending on a high note, get well soon, Qian Yu! Hope to see you in school tomorrow.. If my mind were a computer I could have gladly erased Everything out of my memory Never to hear it again If only my mind was paper I could just tear it up And throw it into the bin Never to see it again Why must you bring it up? Something that happened so long ago Why must you harp on it Something that could never flower again Maybe it's my hallucination But I see your shadow Lurking Before my eyes I can't shake it off Even though I promised myself I would never do it again This piece of shit To be flushed down the toilet Unwanted business Never should have been spread It was your entire fault If you never existed Useless bum Nothing would have gone wrong Get lost. (Dedicated to someone) Needles of hurt Piercing through the rubber Pop. Air slowly released Through the invisible scars Till not a single atom Lurks Behind the unknown Rustle of leaves In accompaniment Crack. Surface slowly tearing Visible scars appearing Till not a sole molecule Remains To be left out Can you feel The simple rhythm of life The heartbeat of mine Surging at you Or can you feel The melodious note of music The tone of my voice Screeching at you Can you understand The pain I feel The torture you are putting Me through Such weapons of manipulation Such powers of force Denial of my trust No longer any bond Everything is in a standstill If you would just surrender I might decide To recede For if you didn't spark it off The fireworks would have never lit

2/23/2005 10:42:00 pm;